Finding "The" House for You and Your Kids

Don’t look now, and I’m not looking, but we seem to have found a house – by “we” I mean my husband and I. This was not expected, because houses right now are hard to come by in our neck of the woods and we’d resigned ourselves to thinking we had at least a few more months of looking and that it might take a while.

Then, opening my computer, I saw an email from the real estate site Trulia with a house by a lake. I wasn’t going to look at it; houses go so fast right now that the real estate sites can’t catch up to them, for one thing. For another, the house was too far from work – meaning at least an hour’s drive each way if you don’t like highway drives (which I don’t).

But… did I say it was by a lake? (And no, this is not a picture of it).

Turned out the house was available, though--so my (long-suffering) realtor met me there this week. And somehow, whatever I looked at throughout the house made me feel like I could, would and wanted to live there.

What is it that makes us respond to one house and not another? Emotionally, I mean, which is at the core of why we want to buy anything?

Being an adopted Minnesotan, I seem to have caught the bug that makes each of us want to live by a lake. (This is simply a trait of all Minnesotans, since the very first settlers built a cabin by a lake in the 1800s. Go look it up if you don’t believe me).

But New Yorkers like waterfront properties too, and I bet so does everyone else on the planet. Why? In our DNA, I guess, that we want to be near water.

Besides water, other traits hook us emotionally, too. I love older houses madly, but am trying to school myself to stay away after 20 years of keeping our lovely older home together. (When my realtor and I toured another older home near the one I’ve just sold, I was in love and he was horrified).

But if I don’t get another older home (built before 1920) what do I want? I can’t describe it exactly, but I do know it has to have some kind of character and quirkiness that says my husband and I can live there.

Which this house, of course, had. Built in 1957, with a silly mural downstairs, paneling, a large cedar closet like the one my mother had, and again… that lake.

While I pretty much knew instantly I’d want the home (and my husband did too) I also think it’s important that your child or children connect with the home you’re buying too. Our son is grown up and that matters less now (though of course I want him to like it).

But young children’s emotions are important, and I also think it’s important that they connect with their surroundings. In today’s “buy it quick” environment, it’s not always possible to bring your children to a showing. But, you can get their opinions of the pictures and show them around the area and neighborhood.

Moving is frequently traumatic for children, so just consulting them about some of the details can help smooth things over later, and at least prevent them from saying you never consulted them. You may risk having them hate something you love, but I think that’s a risk worth taking—especially if you can negotiate something about their room or space that will make them feel better.

For tips on finding the right house with your children in mind, I found these articles:

Help Kids Move and Settle into Their New Home and Neighborhood

5 Tips for House Hunting with Kids


Deck photo: Lila Quander

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