Dreamin' is Free

July is more than half over, and last winter's plans to travel and celebrate with family and friends were blocked by the Coronavirus. The news is usually bad and I'm tired of reading it. 

I'm tired of identity breaches and credit-bureau messages about those breaches. I'm tired of blackmailing scam emails and squirrels stealing bird food and everything else that isn't nailed down.

This week, my husband is having a third surgery on his eye, because shingles attacked it in April. The shingles finally retreated after multiple drugs and the surgeries, but now scar tissue is blurring his vision and he needs to get rid it before more damage happens that can't be repaired.

Fun times. Not. But I keep dreaming.

One of the things I want most right now--I'm guessing you want it too--is a little freedom. Feeling some space around you and at the same time moving through the world without worrying, "Is my mask tight enough? Am I too close to this person at the store?" Etc. Etc.

My go-to solution last week was kayaking. I've gone just once on a vacation, using a sit-on-top sea kayak--but it was wonderful. For the past year, I've watched boaters and swimmers on the lake near our house. I've seen kayakers and people in canoes, sailboats and larger craft. Last summer, my husband and I could have bought kayaks for $150 apiece at Home Depot. Now I'm kicking myself we did not.

I tried getting a kayak this week and came up empty, time and time again. First I called the local department stores like Home Depot--nothing in stock. Then the sporting goods stores like Dick's and Cabela's. Both out of everything. We can't spend more than $200 or so on a kayak, and I'm realizing we're in the same boat, so to speak, as everyone else who wants one.

Cabela's tells me to try calling back in two weeks--that's two more weeks gone without going out on the lake. Dick's says people are calling every day to find out if a shipment is in and then driving over early in the morning, walking into the the stores and hoping there's a kayak (in our case, two) that we can find in there.

Outfitter stores like REI seem to have some, but they are out of my price range. There do seem to be some kayaks online, but shipping them is dicey and my trucker husband says they tend to get pretty banged up when delivered from long distances.

I don't want to complain--I know there's a lot worse things going on, as we all do. I just wanted to get out on the water and right now, that looks like a fantasy too. Still, I keep dreaming, like the Blondie song says, because, you know. Dreaming is free.

Is there an other side to all this, where we can start living our lives again? Do we need to take our lives back, step by step, because no one will give them to us?

I don't know how to do that. Maybe the kayak idea is or was a start, even if I have to wait until fall or winter to find one. Maybe I can try renting one? (That thought makes me a little tired, too).

Maybe seeing my son this summer will cheer me up, because we figured out how to do that. Maybe continuing to write is yet another way to save yourself from anxiety that surrounds us daily.

Dreaming is free. I'm going to keep doing it.


Dream boat photo: AirHaake