My son once told me about a dream he had when his
stepmother was dying. She was awake and happy and her disease was cured, and
they were talking together as they always had.
He woke up and then realized it
was all a dream, and the sadness in his voice when he was sharing this story
broke my heart. At the same time, I wanted to believe that the most eternal
part of his stepmother’s soul was visiting him—and that could, perhaps, provide
some kind of comfort to him in days and years to come.
Last May, when a close friend died, I dreamed about
seeing her in Springfield, Illinois where she lived. I got off the bus and she
took my hand (and I can still remember how warm it was). She said, “Let me show
you my town,” and I turned to her, smiling, and then I woke up.
She died a few days later, but she’s visited my
dreams a few times since that happened. And each time I wake up, I feel the
same loss—and want to go back into my dream again.
A friend once said she started taking Ambien so she
would sleep well and stop having dreams. My own dreams tilt and weave, tending
to be super-anxious exaggerations of my fears. A lot of times I wake up like
Cathy in Wuthering Heights, nearly sobbing with joy and grateful to be back on
terra firma.
But would I trade my dreams for “a good night’s
sleep?” No, because I think the fact that I’m dreaming at all means I’m doing
what my sleep needs me to do. I believe dreams allow us to talk to ourselves
and process all the fears, losses, desires, relationships and even other dreams
we are having.
Dreams are a rich source of stories. So if I’m dreaming
about a stomach specialist who can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, I want to
pay attention. If I can remember that dream coupled with a dream about a close
friend taking pictures of a landscape using a beautiful blue filter, I can knit
those concepts together when I wake up—and see where they lead.
I never started a dream diary with my son when he
was growing up but I wish I had, because his dreams were fascinating. We did
try and tell each other our dreams whenever we remembered them, and I always thought
they gave us great insights into how we felt about life and what we wanted from
it.
With hindsight being everything, I’m recommending
to you, now, to start a dream diary
with your child or children. Ask them to try and remember everything they can
as soon as they wake up and jot down a few notes (before school) and more
detailed notes (on weekends).
For more on dream journals, you might try these articles:
Why Children Have More Control of Their Dreams: Ann Lukits
Bridge photo: Peter Budd
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