Sunday, June 24, 2018

Saved by the Book

I was 19 and living in Boston; it was the middle of summer. I was starting to realize my boyfriend had been making me miserable for quite some time and I needed to do something about it.

I was also starting to read J. R. R. Tolkein's trilogy Lord of the Rings. And for some reason, the book gave me courage to do what I hadn't been able to do for almost three years.

The story of Frodo the hobbit's journey to the darkest place on earth, accompanied by friends and adventurers and elves and dwarves was not only riveting; it woke me up to my own ability to face down the demons that were plaguing me.

There were many. Anorexia, depression, and an endless anxiety (that I still battle today).

When one of the fellowship said they had lost hope, the character called Strider replied, "We must do without hope; we must gird ourselves and go on."

I loved that line, because it was hopeful in itself. Going on means you don't give up; you believe there is a light at the end of whatever tunnel you're digging through and you keep trying to get there.
I loved how Frodo's Uncle Bilbo wanted to stay in his comfortable shire and got pulled into a terrifying adventure that involved a huge dragon he had to slay; and that throughout all the books, hobbits talk longingly of home, tea and sitting by the fire being cozy.

When I turned 20 and started my third year of college, my roommate and I were both reading the trilogy and quoting lines to each other. Years later, I tried to get my son interested in The Hobbit, but at seven or eight he was bored. He did like the Lord of the Rings movies made by Peter Jackson, but even those did not send him to the book.

So I never told him how the books saved me during a painful time and how they still do when I reread or think of them. I think it's easy to be cynical when people say thinks like "a book changed my life."

But if you've had the experience, you know how true that can be. I know when hope seems gone, it is still with us, invisibly. And I have Tolkein to thank for that.


Ring photo: idreamlikecrazy

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