Hospitality's Teachable Moments

Play dates, birthday parties, lunches, dinners, barbecues, parties and sleepovers--all these are part of our kids' leisure lives. We'd never think of them as teachable moments--but in fact, they DO teach our kids a lot about the art of hospitality.

Some say hospitality is a lost art, but I disagree. Inviting people to your home and giving them something is all that's really required. You don't have to be Martha Stewart to do it--and in fact, it's better if you're not.

I thought about this recently when family came to visit and realized opening my home-world to them and making dinner and making them comfortable was really fun. Initially, I wasn't sure how to manage dinner because they were coming on a week day and I mostly cook on weekends. Then I decided to do exactly what I always do and since they arrived on a Monday, dinner was ready and tasty and perfectly fine to serve (thank you, microwave).

What I'm also thinking right now is that even though our kids' friends come over for lunch, dinner, snacks, parties and play time it's usually moms and dads do all the work. But why don't we take the opportunity to teach them about hospitality by involving them in all the prep work?

Can your seven-year-olds make cupcakes with you, or at least go with you to the store and pick out the cupcakes? What about those peanut-butter and jelly or tuna sandwiches--why can't they help you make those before lunch? And shouldn't they be choosing party decorations and favors?

I'm saying all this after doing none of it, so I can never be a model for what I'm talking about. But it occurs to me (all these years later) that we had a lot of fun over the years being hospitable, and though my son is very social and loves people, he never got to be a part of the prep time when we had company. And that was my fault.

Luckily, my son turned into a cantor and I think his life is such that he is mostly always with people, either in his home or theirs. His social skills are fine-tuned in ways mine never were, and I really love seeing that.

Growing up, my own house was busy with people almost ever weekend. Saturday evenings, my mom had people over or she and my dad went to friends' homes. My parents were not particularly movie or theater people -- unlike their kids. What my mother showed me was that hospitality was one of the greatest gifts you had to share--and not sharing it was a terribly wasteful thing.

Sometimes I was resentful, because getting ready for "company," as my mom called it, was often stressful. It felt like I was working in a hotel for a tough boss who was also a perfectionist. That may have turned me away from the idea of hospitality, but now I know you don't have to be "perfect"--or stressed--when you have people over. All you have to do, really, is create a welcoming space.

These days, I work too long and have too many projects to be very hospitable, and on the days I have, I want to support my theater community by going to plays or seeing movies, and I have to spend a lot of time writing. Yet I know we think we have endless time ahead of us for everything, and we don't.

I HOPE to have time soon to be more hospitable. Until then, what's left to me is to write blogs like this one--and be glad my kid grew up to be such a welcoming young man. I'm including some thoughts on teaching your children hospitality here:

Teaching Children the Gift of Hospitality
Six Practical Ways Children Can Help with Hospitality
How Our Kids Make Our Home More Hospitable and 5 Ways They Help Out


Boy cooking: woodleywonderworks