Kids, Sleep, and Deciding Where They Do It

Should you let your children sleep in your bed? What about in your room? I ask this question without being able to come down on either side.

When we first brought my son home, he slept in a bassinet in our room. I think that was my favorite solution, because we were afraid of crushing him at night but wanted him nearby. When somehow I let his dad talk me into putting him in a crib in his own room at night, neither my son or I was very happy.

To begin with, it was a looooong walk at 2 a.m. to his bedroom, even though it was just across the hall Secondly, I think he was lonely. I don't think I'd ever say yes to that again. I'd keep him in the parental bedroom in a bassinet or crib for as long as possible.

When my son was five, he woke us at two or three in the morning with night terrors, and I decided the sky would not fall if he stayed in our room. We used a foam mattress, pillow and blankets and set him up near our bed (we happened to have a huge room so it was no problem). Most of the time, he slept in his own room but knew that if he got scared about something, he could migrate to his foam bed and stay with us.

He grew up and seems to be fine, and I have every confidence that if he has children, they will be fine too.

I know parents who insist their baby sleeps with them, and others who wouldn't dream of letting their baby or child into their room. I don't have a problem with either, but I do think as a parent you need to trust your instincts and go with what they are telling you. There is just too much advice out there and too much of it is directed at people who are desperately trying to figure out the right thing to do.

There are those who say your child is supposed to sleep through the night, but I have a question: does anyone sleep all the way through? I've been waking in the middle of the night for a long, long time, and then it takes a while to get back to sleep. Is it insomnia or something more natural, like the body's rhythms that wake us up?

According to what I'm reading, there was a custom of people in pre-industrial times waking in the middle of the night, getting up, eating, doing chores and sometimes even visiting neighbors. Then they'd go back to sleep for another few hours. Wouldn't that make sense (and be kind of fun) as well?

I think when it comes to sleeping, the right thing to do is whatever works for you. Sleep is too basic, too instinctual and too important to try to shoehorn into some expert's notion of what you should do.

Does your child have nightmares? (Mine did). Would it be easier on all of you if he or she knew that coming into your room was an option? Or do you need to have one space in the house that is fully and completely your own?

IMHO, only you can make that decision. While I usually add articles about various parenting subjects, today I'm leaving them out because I think it's crucial you listen to yourself first, and experts later, when it comes to you and your family sleeping soundly.

And if you have thoughts you want to share, you're always welcome!