What Does Your Child Want to Know?

If you're the parent of a young child, you're likely too busy to think about what your little one wants to know (as opposed to what he or she needs to know). When they get a bit older, you might think about it, but likely you're still too busy with appointments, schoolwork, school parties, birthdays, family dynamics, homework and everything else that's going on.

This wasn't something I thought about when actively parenting, either. I did want my son to grow up and be happy, like everyone does. I didn't have a clue as to how I was going to get him there.

But, as a playwright and middle-grade/YA novelist, I do a lot of exercises that help me tease out the truth for my characters. One of the things mentors always told me to ask about characters is what do they want? If you're writing a scene and your characters don't want anything, why write it?

There are all kinds of ways our kids are telling us about what they want to know. Rarely does anyone come out and ask the question; in fact, I don't know anyone who does that. It might be implied in the way your child colors, sings, throws something across the room or hits a punching bag.

Your child may be talking about a new friend, bargaining to stay up and watch something, even though its past her bedtime, or creating something for the science fair. It's important to stay in the moment, of course. But what does he/she really want to know?

What I think is your child wants to know that he or she really belongs here. By that I mean belongs in the world, not just in his/her house or yard or school or neighborhood, but in the world itself, as a human being. Some people call that purpose or meaning or motivation, and maybe it's all those things?

Or maybe it's just knowing (or wanting to believe) that when you wake up in the morning, you are where you'e supposed to be, with friends and family members who love you. Maybe it's about the hope that you'll have time to figure out what's important to you and what you're best at, knowing you don't have to be perfect to create the kind of life you want to live.

I don't know if I'm right about any of this; it's just a theory, though it does make sense to me. Like all parents, I didn't know it when my son was young and mostly what I did as a parent was muddle through. But I think asking this question is at the heart of who we all are, whether we find the answer or not.

Maybe that question is all you need anyway, to get you moving in the direction you want to go? Even if it takes a lifetime to answer it.

Father/Son photo: Linus Bohman