Distraction Action

Have you ever been at a restaurant or a store with a friend who tells you to order a dish or buy something because he/she knows you'll love it? Of course you have. From books to bon bons (does anyone eat those any more?) --friends always seem to want to tell us what we want or should have.

I promise you though, I do not want cute potholders or an endless number of candles or your favorite sushi dish (though I like sushi) or salmon teriyaki (I really don't like teriyaki). Nor am I likely to want the books you think I like OR the sweaters, though now and again some of you have been spot on and all I can say is, you're the exception that proves the rule.

I will usually always want at least 10 chocolate-chip cookies the size of dinner plates every day but can't ever get them, so if you have an itch to tell me what I want at any given moment, you'll always get agreement with those. You won't make me happy, though, because what I and everyone else needs is a distraction from their deepest desires.

So, distraction. Let me count the ways. I want the time and money to travel internationally and stay at my destinations for at least three weeks at a time. No, you cannot help me there, so let's move on. What I love about January is it's the month of returning gifts and getting the stuff you do want--provided you DO want stuff, which I usually do not. Hopefully, you're getting that if you're reading this post.

Another distraction: Alexander McQueen dresses. Neither you or I could afford these in a million years, so all that is left to us is to drool over them when they're being worn by Kate Middleton, which doesn't seem fair, but here we are, you and me, and no, I don't want a knockoff, I hate knockoffs, though if you find one close enough I might look at it provided it doesn't cost me anything, which won't happen, so why are we talking about this?

Distraction 3: Perfect health, accompanied by eternal youth. Yeah, these are cliches, and I should know better, because if Mark Twain were writing the story of my life, say, and it was anything like his book The Mysterious Stranger, I'd get the sort of genie who had a wicked sense of humor and made me into a toad or a hippo with perfect health and eternal youth. So yeah, no, fuggedaboutit as they (used to) say in New York and-- what is that think you think I'd like, now?

A book by Lauren Goff. A Russian astrakhan (and yes I finally bought one since no one was giving them to me). Shredded mozzarella on pita with lettuce and garlic aioli. A Devotchka CD or something by Eastern Mountain South or The Civil Wars before they split up. And if you're really feeling generous, I want a fourteen-day trip to New York with no agenda right now, please.

I hope this helps those of you who don't know me and even more, those who do. I'm ready and willing to be distracted and gifted with any and all the items mentioned above. And even if I don't get them, I'm glad I shared them with you. Just in case you ever want to know exactly what I want.