Self Sufficient Who?

A few months after moving to the Midwest, I met a couple who came to our house a few times. Both were tall and blonde and seemed to have it all together. For all I know, they still do and I certainly hope so.

What I most remember, though, is when the man described his wife, he said she was "really self sufficient." At the time this struck me as odd (now odder still), but maybe I'm seeing it wrong. I wasn't terribly self sufficient when we met - in fact you could say I was a royal mess. 

I had left a job I loved to move to another state with my husband. I was expecting a baby. No other jobs were on the horizon for me and I was probably, to put it delicately, "one man away from welfare" as the feminists used to say.

So hearing about this very self sufficient woman didn't exactly inspire me with confidence. On the other hand, I didn't think that's how I would want a romantic partner to describe me. Call me crazy, but I'd rather have a dozen other things said - even if they weren't true:

"She's a fabulous dancer" - jazz, tap, ballet, whatever. (I am, btw, none of these things).

"She's my favorite person in the world."

"Hot, cool, etc. - and she has a kick-ass sense of humor."

"Funny AND sexy." (Always wanted to be).

"She's so adventurous." (Ditto).

"She gives me chills when she sings."

But self sufficient? Uh... no. 

Sure, it's good to be self sufficient. It means you could be dropped in the middle of a major city or pine barrens somewhere and find your way out. You can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and ALL THAT JAZZ. 

But what does that mean, really? What is someone saying when they say that? Is it exciting? Romantic? Hot?

Yeah--no. I would still like to be self sufficient -- I would. I just keep thinking, though, that we all need each other and maybe that's how it's supposed to be? I'm not a great cook but I can write. You may be an expert fixer-upper type and the guy down the street could sell apples to an orchard. 

If we didn't all need each other, would we even talk? So yes -- I'd still love to be a dancer, but I won't be. (Was a singer in a rock band though and that was fun). I can work on my independence skills, but right now I'm OK with settling for inter-dependent. 

And just because you're self sufficient doesn't mean you don't need anyone. At least I hope it doesn't, and I hope that guy I used to know figures it out. And if his wife ever wants roses? I hope she doesn't have to go buy them herself.

Couple photo: Indi Samarajiva