Zooming Bed Court

The past year (and now this year) has been full of Zoom stories. People getting to see theater or go to meetings or church or synagogue - all good stuff.

My favorite stories are about how people are in their PJ's all day and fashion designers like Norma Kamali are creating designer PJs for this very purpose. (Doesn't that defeat the purpose?)

My MOST favorite story is about a lawyer who supposedly tried to argue a case in front of a judge while she was in lying on down in bed. The judge admonished her and I don't know what happened after that.

Did she get up at that point? Was she wearing designer PJs? Did she have to excuse herself to get dressed? Somehow I imagine she just propped herself up in bed and said "I'm sorry, your Honor." Did she say anything to explain why she was lying in bed while arguing a case? I'm guessing she wouldn't go into that.

Did the judge let her continue? I hope so. I hope she had on flannel pajamas, not the designer kind, and she was a really good lawyer who got her client whatever he or she needed in spite of being a laze-bucket. 

What time was this case, anyway? I hope it wasn't at noon. Could this whole thing be the first scene of a movie? It could, couldn't it?

Is the story true or is it apocryphal? What does apocryphal mean, anyway? Dictionary says "Of doubtful authorship or sanctity."

Maybe it is, but who cares? I like this story and I'm sticking to it.

Our protagonist is a crackerjack lawyer who had one too many cases going on, plus a little too much wine the night before. Things might not be going so well with her love life. She drinks. She gets depressed. She's in New York during the surge and it's hard to socialize. 

Instead of being able to find distractions, she's getting anxious and feeling afraid of everything. Spending more and more time in bed. The case is at 9 a.m. and she wakes at 8:45. Her computer, luckily, is on the bed with her. 

She turns on the computer and manages to get to the Zoom court appointment just in time. But her face looks puffy, her pillow falls over and suddenly she's lying down when she meant to be sitting up. She's trying to talk but sounds garbled and the judge admonishes her.

"What are you doing? Are you in bed?"

"Your Honor--"

"ARE YOU IN BED?"

She tries to explain but instead receives a long lecture. Her client is none too happy, either.

Does she win the case? Does it get postponed?

I'm sure it gets postponed for three weeks, at least.

On the other hand, I myself have gotten to a Zoom meeting less than a minute before it starts. Never done it in bed though. 

Something terribly illicit about that, which must be why I love it.

So I want to raise a champagne glass--at least one.

To lawyers who argue their cases in bed. May they always win them.

Laptop in bed photo:  Jared Tarbell