Adult Bullies Just as Difficult as Kids

 

Are you dealing with an adult who bullies you? Yes. I'm raising my hand. No. It's not someone I live with. Yes. It's a business relationship, but NOT one where I usually work.

Yes. It's driving me crazy. This person acts like everything's fine when we have Zoom meetings, but in emails, all bets are off.

I have been extremely patient so far, but I don't intend to be for more than a few more months - ten to twelve at the most. Actually, I will likely need to say something before then. I have kept my mouth shut for self-interested reasons, obviously, but there does come a point when we all need to decide: is it worth it?

I have spent a lifetime asking that question. So much so, I could probably write a book about it, though it's not of interest right now.

What I do notice is that adult bullies prey on people who (think they) need something from the person doing the bullying. They speak to you however they want, usually in extremely ugly ways. Some recent examples:

The person has called my question "silly."

The person has said "What the heck are you doing?" and  "Period, end of discussion." He typically makes me cringe when he replies to requests, because there's always some kind of belittling comment he makes.

This is a toxic person. I am working with him, but there will come a point when I will stop and that will be forever. Still, it is a lot of work dealing with him at all. 

Do we question people who are jerks right off the bat, or wait until we can't wait any longer? I have always done the latter, but am questioning that quite a bit these days. What really bugs me is that none of us have an endless amount of time. So how much time should we be spending on bullies?

I know the answer, but I'm not detaching becuase I sought out this connection and am hoping it will turn out well, in terms of work. I'm giving it a finite amount of time though - even if it's a bit longer than I would wish.

At that point I will be able to disengage. I wish that was tomorrow, but I don't think it is yet.

Still, there's something I think we need to recognze here. While there is a lot of noise made about kids, children are not the only bullies. Adults do a good job of bullying, too. And letting them get away with it is never a good idea for our own mental health.

Note to self, that is.

Thoughts on adult bullies:

8 Keys to Handling Adult Bullies

How to Deal with Adult Bullying

How to Handle the Adult Bully in Your Life

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash