Deer Ones

Are you feeling a little, um, SCREAMY right now? (I ask because I am). 

I guess what's really getting to me is not the BIG thing. It's a bunch of little ones. Is it always that way? I don't know.

Never mind the pandemic, she says. Here's what's driving me crazy today:

• Getting up early on a weekend to drive around looking for supplies like toilet paper, wipes, hand sanitizer (forget it), paper towels and alcohol. Husband tried first, then I tried. Between us we found a few things. (If you are hoarding toilet paper, you are NOT my friend.
• Being scared by... grocery shopping! Could I ever have imagined that while watching every horror movie in the world? But that's what I'm feeling right now. Was I less than six feet away from that lady who just scooted by me? Of course not. Did someone with the virus touch that pear? Can I stop driving myself crazy for seven seconds? Apparently not.
• Washing hands, washing hands again, cleaning the counter, disinfecting sponges in the microwave, washing the floor, washing containers and packaging when I get home from the grocery store.

"As if we weren't neurotic enough," my husband says.

I nod and laugh, and we both laugh, and then start washing our hands again. 

I try not to worry about my son and his fiance in New York and whether all this virus stuff will be behind us (Satan) in time for their August wedding.

I try not to worry about all my family and friends in New York and how they're getting through this. I want to go see them in April and have a plane ticket, even though everyone (including my son) is telling me it's best to cancel it. I haven't been able to yet. I just haven't been able to make the call.

I try not to worry about all my friends and neighbors (especially the older ones) and all the people I know in theater and restaurant work who have been laid off and are struggling to pay rent. 

I would go for a walk but it's pouring. 

Deep breath. 

Last night, 2 a.m. 

My husband told me he got up for a moment and looked out the window. Four deer were on the lawn eating the dried out bits of garden in our front yard. 

I am not going to worry about whether or not they're eating up the first spring shoots of flowers or plants. I just love that we have deer out there.

I'm hoping to get up tonight so I can see them. Because even one tiny ray of pretty in a world full of screamy will make me feel better.

That's all I want right now. Well, not all. But I'll take it. 

Hibernation Envy

This young man has the right idea -- I want to hibernate for at least three months from January through March. A few quick reasons:

1. Driving to/from work in the dark scares me to death and the number of crazy, nasty, ugly drivers inches from my tail far outnumber any nice ones (if there are any).

2. The endless amount of time computers add to our lives makes everything take longer. Seriously, didn't you get more done when every last piece of paperwork in your life wasn't password protected? And do you NEED to be at the computer in a house that is barely adequately warm when you could be curled up on the couch reading with your cat purring in your lap?

3. Walking to the mailbox is a complete chore after dark, which comes way too quickly after 4 in the afternoon.

4. My husband slipped on the ice on our driveway this week and dislocated his shoulder. That's at least $5,000 worth of medical bills we didn't need and can't afford. Wouldn't have happened if we were hibernating.

5. Food bills are ridiculous. If you were asleep for three months of the year, you could avoid them.

So okay, we're not able to hibernate, but WHY do we have to go anywhere in winter (unless we really, really want to?) I know you're going to tell me to move to a warmer climate but I can't right now, so why can't we have a new rule that you get to hibernate (physically or metaphorically) if you live in a colder state?

I know. You can tell I'm in a mood. But you would be too if you were me.

Since you aren't, I hope you're keeping warm, wherever you are. If I wake up in time for next week, hopefully I'll be a little less out of sorts (and a little closer to spring). And it will be a little lighter at 7 a.m. or at 5:30 in the evening.

Or I'll have figured out how to hibernate.

Hibernating boy photo: Jane Rahman

Kitty Blues

Worried as I'm writing this; my cat is getting older and arthritis is setting in. Our vet has given us these options:

Chiropractic care (who knew there were chiropracters for animals?!?)
Spinal surgery

My husband and I are trying to figure out what to do.

There are people who say, "It's just a cat, why bother?"

I can't talk to those people, or make them understand. Sydney is a cat, but what cat is "just a cat?" Can you honestly live with an animal in your home many years and not consider him or her to be part of your family?

Our Sydney is magically able to know your moods and manifest them. She is a lovely nurse when you need one, and can always be relied on to lift your spirits and comfort you when you're down. Until her recent illness she routinely slept on my hair. This is a trait I adapted into The Beat on Ruby's Street with Ruby's cat Solange.

This week she has stayed with me on the couch in the evening, but won't sleep near me and mostly hides in the closet. And I can't help feeling sad and helpless while I'm trying to sort through the options we have (and how much we can afford).

A friend told me last week that while cats can live 15 to 20 years, dogs live more like 10 years. I cannot imagine losing a dog after 10 years - I think it would be horrible. I would hate it even more if I had a young child or if our cat had died when our son was small.

I know things like this can be "opportunities" to talk to kids about loss; but what Sydney is bringing home to me is how unutterably hard grief is, how much loss really affects us, and how much animal companions bring to our lives.

I think whatever kids learn about these issues, they will have to learn this. As do we all.

My Menagerie - Plus Tips for Yours

I lived in a petless household until I moved away from home - unless you count fish who died quickly and two miniature turtles who didn't last very long. My mother didn't like cats and only liked tiny little dogs -- though mainly I think she didn't want animals messing up the house.

Once I left home, I started collecting cats and letting roommates move in with dogs as much as I (reasonably) could. When I got married to a man who has a lot of allergies, I realized my son and I would need to be judicious, which meant finding weird pets that wouldn't make my husband sneeze.

Our first pet was a salamander because it had no fur and we thought it would be pretty easy. It was mainly my fault we got him, because I found a wonderful book at the library about a salamander who comes to live with a family and my son didn't want to let go of the idea. When we went to the reptile store (and yes, there is one in the neighborhood), we discovered the salamander would need to eat crickets, which we were supposed to buy weekly. 

"I have to get my mind around this, Josh," I told my son.

"No, mom, you don't," he said. "My mind is already around it."

A week later, we brought a salamander home and named him Scully. Occasionally we'd take him out and let him crawl on our arms, but he needed to stay wet, so we couldn't do too much of that. He loved eating crickets and was generally a sweet little guy, though I felt guilty about his life in a glass box, even though it was a large-ish one.

At first we thought he might only live for a month or two, but he lived with us about six or seven years and it mostly fell to me and my husband to clean his digs, so my advice to you is: DON'T get a salamander, but if you do, make your kid practice cleaning out a cage for a month before you get one. Then get a contract signed that he/she will do it for the rest of the salamander's life.

As it turned out, our salamander had a really neat trick. If something irritated his skin he simply SHED it. This happened only once, when my son put him into the sink during a cleaning and he accidentally got toothpaste on his body. The next thing we knew, the skin was lying in the corner of his environment and he'd grown a completely new one--making me wish all of us could do the same thing.

Alas, we are stuck with our skins for life. I do think it's a metaphor for something... maybe you can help me figure out for what?

Meanwhile, Josh brought Scully to science class for a few months one year, but when he brought him home for the summer, Scully died, and no one at our house was ready for another salamander. By this time Josh was 11, and when we visited friends in New Jersey he met a hamster and began agitating for one. After a bit of research, we found a lady named Martha who adopted and rehabilitated hamsters (and I'm still not sure where she found them).

Martha enticed us with a hamster named Dex who was exceedingly gentle and had a few fingers missing on one of his paws. Dex came to live with us and, to give him a life outside of his cage, we let him run around nightly in a wading pool in the living room. He once scared all of us to death by crawling under the porch door, but luckily did not make it outside.

Dex kept my son awake at night by running around in his wheel, but Josh said he didn't mind, and overall we had a lot of fun with him until he expired, nearly two years later, on the eve of my son's bar mitzvah. SO... if you get a hamster, prepare your kid for the fact that they don't usually live much longer than a couple of years.

Both Dex and Scully are buried in our back yard. This chore always fell to my husband, though it took a toll on him. On the other hand, neither Josh or I was up to it, so I'm very grateful for husbands (both conceptually and in reality).

At this point, I think we were all ready for less animal stress, and my husband said we could get a cat. I knew he was highly allergic, and reader, as you know, I married him, but was unable to turn down the prospect and we have had Sydney for about 11 years. She completely rules the house and has turned all of us into her servants, but somehow, no one minds this and we would like her to live forever.

My husband takes daily Allegras to keep her, but he does let her cuddle with him every night on the couch, and in spite of his allergies he has metamorphasized into a cat lover. What I learned from all this is you should probably start with the pet you want -- allergies or no, and give your cat a bath if you have to. Because animals make life more fun, ma, even if they're messy. 

Go on and tell me if I'm wrong?

Salamander: Aah Yeah
Hamster: Cliff
Cat: Jenna Zark

Guest Post from Author Chris Minich! Changed like a Leaf on a Tree

I'm pleased and jump-up-and-down excited to introduce my friend & fellow author Chris Minich, whose new book for middle-graders (ages 8 - 12) formally launches today. I've also fallen in love with the illustrations by Chris's wife Janelle Minich - and I'm sure you will too. This novel is the second volume in a series about a crarfty cockapoo named Sydney. You can find the book, called Misadventures of Princess Sydney, on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and itunes. I'm pleased to share Chris's blog post today:

          Can you feel it? The temperature is changing. A chill is in the air. Sunshine has made way for cloudy skies. Barbeques have headed indoors. Hot dogs and cheeseburgers replaced with soup and casseroles. In the great state of Washington where I live these events, signal a change in the season. In this case, summer has finally given way to fall. Sprinklers are nestled back in storage as leaves decorate the street in varying shades of orange and brown. Jackets will emerge from their slumber in the closet and the shorts I have on will suddenly draw awkward stares when I’m at the store. “Doesn’t he know it’s getting cold out?” Yes, I do. I like to wear shorts. 

Other than my obsession of wearing shorts to the bitter end, or cold, fall for me is about a few very specific things; pumpkin and football. However, this year has grown to include graham crackers. With that in mind, I present Chris’s favorite fun ways to embrace fall.

·        Procure pumpkin

o   I find it’s important to branch out. This year, for the first time ever, I made pumpkin bread (recipe below). Not to toot my own horn but it was awesome. But wait, there’s much more. Pumpkin waffles, bread pudding, ice cream, macaroons, scones and even pumpkin brittle. Drawing the line somewhere, I left the brittle behind but not much else.

·        Stay caffeinated

o   When energy levels get low, time for a trip to the local Starbucks. New this year is the Toasted Graham Latte. Do you like milk and cookies? This new found addiction is like drinking a cookie. A sweet cream taste and some steamed milk, yes, I checked the ingredients online to confirm, along with a dash of graham cracker rounds out this cafeinated delight. Oh, it includes expresso as well – go figure.

·       

     Fall isn’t complete without some pigskin. Football! Down; chips and salsa – check. Set; butt planted firmly in the recliner chair – check. Hike; kickoff of another football season - check. By my side is the biggest Hawk fan and best friend I know, my wife. I took her to her first NFL game a few years ago. Not to be outdone, our cheerleader dogs also get in on the action. Our dog Sydney, the princess, has a pink jersey she wears during the games. Meanwhile, our other dog Buddy had his own jersey. The pair are known for “cheering” when the home team scores. Okay, they bark but they do love to contribute. Go Hawks!

·        Last but never least, Family. I’m thankful for family and friends who will gather to yell and scream at the television on Sunday afternoons. More important than football, yes, there are many things; I am thankful for those friends and family in my life. Much love to you all!

Fall, coffee, football and family, nothing in the world quite like it. Put together just right, it’s a special mixture of memories, energy, fellowship and love. It keeps me coming back for more year after year. Mixture, that reminds me of one last thing to add for fall 2015, pumpkin bread. The delicious recipe below comes to us via my extremely amazing and talented book manager, Maureen Wallace. Enjoy!

4 cups all-purpose flour

3 cups sugar

2 tsp baking soda

1 ½ tsp salt

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp ground nutmeg

½ tsp ground allspice

½ tsp ground cloves

¼ tsp ground ginger

4 large eggs

1 cup vegetable oil

1 (15 ounce) can pure pumpkin

2/3 cup water

1 cup chopped pecans

Beat first 14 ingredients at medium speed with an electric mixer just until dry ingredients are moistened. Fold in pecans. Spoon evenly into 2 greased and floured 9 x 5 inch loaf pans

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans, and cool completely on wire racks.

Yield: 2 loaves.