Instead of Brunch

I woke up today feeling really glad I didn't need to go out to a Mother's Day brunch. I don't know who got the idea that moms are supposed to do that, when there are so many better ways to celebrate mothers than putting them into a crowded restaurant with kids who are restless throughout the meal. 

I don't mean to be grouchy about it, and if you love going to brunch with your family, that's wonderful. I've just had more than my share at this point--and prefer something else.

What do I think families with younger children might do instead? Something to give Mom a day-long vacation, so calling on partners to make this work:

1. Before Mother's Day, teach kids to sort clothes and do laundry so they can do it Mother's Day weekend.

2. Again, before the holiday, teach children to make breakfast (even if it's pouring cereal into a bowl).

3. Pick up the best coffee your neighborhood has to offer.

4. Then take a family trip to Dairy Queen or any other ice cream place you like.

5. Take the dog and kids to your favorite park and let them run around with each other.

6. Order take-out. 

7. See a movie.

8. Depending on where you live, rent a pool for the afternoon via Swimply and pack a lunch.

9. Take an overnight weekend trip where the kids are entertained by professionals and you can do whatever you want.

10. Get commitments from grandparents for specific dates for babysitting. Grandparents will love it, I promise you.

My favorite Mother's Day moment ever? The day my son came home after spending four months in Israel. It was two days after Mother's Day; it had been a really long four months! And I was beyond ecstatic to see him.

My other favorite Mother's Day moments had nothing to do with the day itself. They were about watching my son grow up, whether it meant walking, talking, going to Kindergarten, being the central character in a play, watching him learn to swim, play saxophone, or just have fun with his friends.

I also loved watching him blossom in college and beyond, and meet the love of his life, who I love too. Last year, we got to meet our new grandchild, and I decided THAT'S more fun than anything I could have imagined.

Which brings me to all the mothers being celebrated today. I just want to tell you there's something really cool you can look forward to when your kids are grown.

But. 

Meanwhile.

Get your kids to do your laundry. Seriously.

Real-Time Friendships in a Facebook Age

My friend Jorie's birthday in 20-something land

When was the last time you stayed up talking until 3 a.m. with a friend? I'm not talking about wives or husbands or long-lost sisters here, and the REASON I'm not is because that counts as family, which is a really different thing.

Yes, your spouse/sister/brother could be your best friend, and that's wonderful--I'd say the same thing about my husband and mean it--and I feel very lucky that way.

But when it comes to friends, I'm really not sure what I'd say, which is why I'm writing this now.

This week I read an article in the NY Times about friendship that really made me think. Here's what struck me the most:

"A recent study found that the maximum number of social connections for both men and women occurs around the age of 25. But as young adults settle into careers and prioritize romantic relationships, those social circles rapidly shrink and friendships tend to take a back seat."

I started thinking about the play dates I set up for my son when he was younger and how important they were for him, so he could learn how to connect with others and how some would turn into good friends. But those play dates were also for me too, to connect with other moms at a time that potentially could have been very isolating.

We try to teach our kids to make friends, but our own seem to fall by the wayside as work and family responsibilities take over more and more of our lives. But here's another quote from the article I found pretty sobering:

"...Research shows that bonds of friendship are critical to maintaining both physical and emotional health. Not only do strong social ties boost the immune system and increase longevity, but they also decrease the risk of contracting certain chronic illnesses and increase the ability to deal with chronic pain, according to a 2010 report in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

“In terms of mortality, loneliness is a killer,” said Andrea Bonior, the author of “The Friendship Fix.” 

I've been trying to figure out how much time I spend with friends vs. family, and truthfully, the answer is very little. I did go to a movie with a friend last week, and we went out afterwards for coffee. It felt like the first time in a really long while that I hadn't met someone for a work-related reason--and it was wonderful. But too often I connect with friends on Facebook instead of in real time--and that's not good.

About a week ago my husband, son and I miraculously had dinner with old friends and that too, was great--but again, I haven't done much of anything like this in months. Last month another friend announced he was leaving Facebook and all his social media accounts except Instagram, as he was tired of the political arguments and wanted to connect in real time.

I don't want to leave Facebook, but I can't help but wish for more time off line and less time on social media. Because it's a very poor substitute for staying up and talking until 3 a.m. It's especially hard to get out and see friends in winter, but like the article says, if you can spend hours and hours binge watching TV and on social media... shouldn't you be able to find a couple of hours a month to be with friends?

I want to. Need to. And hope I can, very soon.

Seeing friends Jorie (in hat), Mary Jane (left) and Vay (fron) on Thanksgiving 2016
with my family took some work, but meant the world to me.