Butter Board POV

Butter boards--are they really a thing? 

Walls whisper yes at this point.

Is this the revenge of the superthin on TikTok? 

Butter boards--why do I want to write the name as one word)?

Butter boards--why do some people think they're disgusting and others get all happy about them?

My POV? Well to start, I like the idea of them, because I like the idea of anything I don't have to cook. On the other hand, yeah--no. 

Whatever germs may be lurking on cutting boards doesn't help, but the real reason is that if I'm going to do a, what's it called, charcuterie board (?) - Who has time for a charcuterie board? Or is it plate?? -- but if I did, let's pretend, it would be cheese, not butter, that I'd want on it. 

Olives, dried apricots, maybe some nuts. Crackers for the cheese. No butter dribbling down my chin in full view of everyone I know and don't know. If I wanted butter at a party that had been out of the refrigerator for hours, I'd--no. I wouldn't want that.

But if I did, if I had a serious craving that was making me crazy, I'd go home and spread some butter on a toasted bagel and that, as they say somewhere or other, would be that. No, it wouldn't, because there's always shortbread. Now there's a word.

On the other hand, I admire new ideas enormously, the crazier the better, because they carry the seeds of stories. And stories, dear butterboardian friends, are the best food of all.

Which is why I went looking for chef stories about butterboards. Here's what I discovered: 

• You start with a fancier kind of butter (at room temperature). 
• Chefs say you should find an "artisanal butter" from a dairy farm or the Amish (how surprised they must be to learn their butter is now sought after by partygoers).
• You can add fresh nushrooms;
• Newly made honey from your bee hive, (because butterboarders should have beehives, right)?
• You can add in other little snacks like edible flowers (which I've eaten at my friend's table and do like), and God knows what else and then--
• Spread it on thick pumpernickel bread. Okay, I like the bread idea.

I try so hard to like things like this. But would I want a butter board at my party?

You already know the answer, don't you? 

Would I go to your party if you had one? Absolutely. Would I eat it?

You know that answer, too.

But if you have a good butter board story, I'll come over to listen to it. Any time.

Kerrygold butter photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash