Dating Terrors in the Online Age

This month's Atlantic magazine has an article about how Millennials are having less intimacy and relationships than other generations. The article's conclusions blame some of this on the online culture we live in. Some young people in the article say they are terrified to ask someone else on a date.

Think about that. Terrified to ask someone on a date.

I remember asking my son once if he ever used online services for dating and he said he had never done it and never would--that it just wouldn't work for him. I thought that was interesting as he is very much a millennial, but somehow or other, grew up in a different world. Sometimes he says he feels like a member of my parents and grandparents' generations, and feels more kinship with them.

I'm not sure why, or what we did wrong or right, but I do know we spent a lot of time doing stuff like going to museums or movies or theater or friends' places; and that his father's house was also full of people coming and going.

I'm feeling good about that because he wants to meet people in real time and has no trouble talking with them. I would hate to think I raised a young man who was afraid of asking someone out -- or even talking to someone he thought was interesting.

But a lot of people are right now--at least according to the Atlantic--and I have no clue what to do or say that would be helpful. I think about tweens growing up and what they are learning socially. Sitting in front of computers for hours and days on end may give them windows into fascinating communities all around the world. I don't want to say that technology is bad for us, because it isn't.

I just wonder if spending all the time they have on phones or computers isn't limiting at the same time? Don't they need to stumble around trying to talk to someone? Ask someone to go somewhere with them? Ask someone to dance -- even if they get turned down?

Do teens and tweens do that any more?

I hope they do and fear they don't. I have to say I think it's really important - no, super important. Because if you don't start talking to people and flirting or joking or having fun, you just get more and more isolated. And machines are no substitute for human beings--and neither is virtual reality.

So... do I have a solution? Not really. But do I believe it's a good idea to try and find social opportunities for your kid whenever possible, starting at a very young age?

Meetings. Committees. Parties. Camp. School dances (if there are such things now)? Clubs. Athletic teams. THEATER.

All that good stuff.

Yes. Yes. And Yes. That's what I think.

Some ideas for reducing screen time might help too, and here's what I found about that:

Reduce Teen Screen Time Without Stress
Internet Addiction Disorder: What Parents Can Do for Their Child
Antisocial Networking?


Couple photo: makelessnoise


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