Tweens, Teens and Boundaries Online

 

Are your middle grade students on their phones as much as you are? (Are you pretending you're not on the phone?) What are they talking about? 

With email mostly a conduit for school or work, and Facebook/Twitter taken over by parents/grandparents etc., where are the 12-year-olds?

Most of us know about Tik Tok and Snapchat. There's also Houseparty, Omegle, Doublicat/REFACE and a lot more. If your son or daughter is using any of these (and there are many more) you may want to learn about them, too.

That doesn't mean you have to keep up with all the apps (which are changing quickly). It does mean knowing what the apps are, why kids are flocking to them and how they can affect the users can help your son or daughter have a better experience online. 

Whether your middle-grader/teen is texting, microblogging, livestreaming, chatting, meeting or dating on these sites, it's important to know more about where he/she is going online and what the sites are like. You have the right to set boundaries for your kids. You have the right to talk to them about staying safe online--and no one else is going to care about it as much as you do.

For example, a lot of apps are tailored to older teens and aren't appropriate for middle graders. Some are, but need a little direction from parents. There are some great books and articles that can help you, which is why I'm recommending them here.

For a strong overview of best practices and site samples (and no, Facebook and Twitter are not attracting teens and tweens), I recommend Most Popular Apps for Teenagers in 2021.

For a 2019 piece with great tips and insights: 18 Social Media Apps and Sites Kids are Using Right Now

My favorite book about how to help protect kids from online bullying and stay safe online is Kindness Wins by Galit Breen. No matter what your son or daughter is doing online, Breen knows how to help kids navigate any landmines that might be waiting for them.

If you want to share your experiences you've had as a parent of a tween or teen who is online--and what rules you have around it--please feel free to comment here--or write me at jennazark.com.

Scrolling Photo: Nenad Stojkovic

Dating Terrors in the Online Age

This month's Atlantic magazine has an article about how Millennials are having less intimacy and relationships than other generations. The article's conclusions blame some of this on the online culture we live in. Some young people in the article say they are terrified to ask someone else on a date.

Think about that. Terrified to ask someone on a date.

I remember asking my son once if he ever used online services for dating and he said he had never done it and never would--that it just wouldn't work for him. I thought that was interesting as he is very much a millennial, but somehow or other, grew up in a different world. Sometimes he says he feels like a member of my parents and grandparents' generations, and feels more kinship with them.

I'm not sure why, or what we did wrong or right, but I do know we spent a lot of time doing stuff like going to museums or movies or theater or friends' places; and that his father's house was also full of people coming and going.

I'm feeling good about that because he wants to meet people in real time and has no trouble talking with them. I would hate to think I raised a young man who was afraid of asking someone out -- or even talking to someone he thought was interesting.

But a lot of people are right now--at least according to the Atlantic--and I have no clue what to do or say that would be helpful. I think about tweens growing up and what they are learning socially. Sitting in front of computers for hours and days on end may give them windows into fascinating communities all around the world. I don't want to say that technology is bad for us, because it isn't.

I just wonder if spending all the time they have on phones or computers isn't limiting at the same time? Don't they need to stumble around trying to talk to someone? Ask someone to go somewhere with them? Ask someone to dance -- even if they get turned down?

Do teens and tweens do that any more?

I hope they do and fear they don't. I have to say I think it's really important - no, super important. Because if you don't start talking to people and flirting or joking or having fun, you just get more and more isolated. And machines are no substitute for human beings--and neither is virtual reality.

So... do I have a solution? Not really. But do I believe it's a good idea to try and find social opportunities for your kid whenever possible, starting at a very young age?

Meetings. Committees. Parties. Camp. School dances (if there are such things now)? Clubs. Athletic teams. THEATER.

All that good stuff.

Yes. Yes. And Yes. That's what I think.

Some ideas for reducing screen time might help too, and here's what I found about that:

Reduce Teen Screen Time Without Stress
Internet Addiction Disorder: What Parents Can Do for Their Child
Antisocial Networking?


Couple photo: makelessnoise


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