Talk to Them

One of my first freelance writing jobs involved writing about someone with multiple sclerosis (MS) and how she clawed her way back to walking and living, as she said, like everyone else. Talking to her and family brought home a truth I hadn't really grasped until then:

There is a wall between the sick and the well (or temporarily well). The well don't want to cross it.

I think what happens is we (as in "human race" we) get scared of what might happen to us in the future, and even when someone is not contagious, we want to avoid them so as to avoid thinking about them = us.

The easiest way to do that is to isolate the sick people. Into hospitals, though that doesn't work so well anymore. Care communities (aka nursing homes), dpecialty housing, or even their own rooms.

Am I being too harsh to think of Kafka's story The Metamorphosis,  whose lead character Gregor Samsa wakes up one day to learn he has turned into a giant cockroach? His family struggles to adjust, and in the process treats him terribly.

I don't think I am being too harsh. I think the story describes most of us, and our reactions when someone becomes ill, depending on how long the process happens to be.

But I didn't start writing this to jump on your head and start screaming. I just want to say if there's someone in your life with an illness, talk to them. You don't have to cure them and you don't have to fix their problems.

Just talk. Or walk. Or see a movie with them.

Maybe they have MS, or diabetes, or Hashimoto's disease. Maybe they are tired of talking aboiut it but want to talk about books or politics or go to a museum and maybe they need a wheelchair to get there. Go with them. Listen to them. Smile.

Maybe they have dementia. Maybe you do. Maybe you want someone to go to church or synagogue or a mosque and pray with you. Don't be afraid to ask. Tell someone at your place of worship what you need to make it happen. Or help someone get there if they need a ride.

Maybe someone you know has cancer or maybe something far less life threatening that is still turning their world upside down, like psoriasis or alopecia (causing hair loss) or rashes that don't go away. Maybe they can't drink wine or have a special diet. Figure out what they can eat and go have lunch with them. Drink if you want to, just don't push them to drink. 

Maybe they are dealing with depression or schisophrenia.

Talk to them. Talk to them. Talk to them.

Listen. Listen. Listen.

That's not only the best thing you can do, it's what you need to be doing. AND teach your kids to do it, too.

And no, this is not a lecture, she says, like she does to her kid when he asks. It's a Point of View.

*Smile*

Reading material:

Protecting Our Kids From Other Sick Children Can Kill Our Social Life

Talking with Children About the Serious Illness of a Family Member

6 Ways to Teach Your Kids About Disabilities


Hand star: Book Lin


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