Writing about Ruby's friendship with Sophie in Fool's Errand has got me thinking about the friendships I had--and how intense friendship can be. Sometimes I think it's even more intense than romantic relationships--though I don't know exactly why.
My friend Charlene in college was perfect - at least in my eyes. I met her when we'd both been cast in Maxim Gorky's play Enemies. I was playing the youngest in the family, Nadya, and it was a dream role I still love thinking about. Charlene played Tatyana, an actress in a complex marriage with an alcoholic. The role was perfect for Charlene, who seemed always to land on her feet no matter what was going on in her life.
Charlene seemed not only to have interesting relationships, she seemed never to get too upset about anything -- which for me was huge, because I could always find something to be upset about. She was just able to be cool about so many things, when I was just the opposite. So I guess it was absolutely natural I would want to be Charlene.
When my relationship with a boyfriend went south, she told me, smiling, that I could easily find someone else if I wanted; I didn't believe her at first, though she turned out to be right. The point, I figured out, wasn't the ease in finding, but the discernment in finding right.
I lost track of her after we both left school, and I didn't ever manage to capture her coolness in the face of all the curve balls life throws. But I did find out I had some abilities to control my ups and downs, and I also figured out that the emotions that sometimes race through me like barracudas can be pretty handy for writing.
So, there's that.
I don't think I've ever met another friend I admired even half so much, but maybe that's a good thing. In the end, maybe the friends we admire most are people we could never be, for a variety of reasons; and they show up in our lives to show us that who we are may be better than who we want to be.
I say that because I don't think Charlene would ever have turned into a writer; and I don't even know how deeply she could dig as an actor. That may be unfair, and maybe she could; but what I've always admired most about good writing and acting is the passion behind it; and that isn't something I lacked.
Still, I'm very glad I got to know her, even a little bit; and through her, got to know myself a little more.
Charlene sounds like an amazing person. Have you ever searched for her online? I'd like to think you'll somehow run into her again one day.
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia, you reminded me that I can try and find her on Facebook! Thank you!
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